PokiesCausePain

I Lost

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 22:34:00 +0000

I lost our home my husband and kids thanks to my 10 year pokie addiction i am now living in supported accommodation in Tasmania and attend The Bridge Program for my Recovery.

There is hope

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Sun, 27 Feb 2011 01:41:00 +0000

I was addicted to pokies for about 10 years. Since their arrival in Melbourne, I don't know how much I lost. I only know that it was a lot. My parents died in that time and I know I lost a lot of the inheritance, because there was no one to say "that's their hard earned money" to me like I have the sense to say to myself now.

And it make me feel really bad now.

Now that I'm out of the haze, and clear of mind. The shame I feel is still something that feels soul destroying.

I would love to help others to get clean, now that I have. I never thought I would though. I did think that suicide was the only way out. I didn't think that I'd ever be safe again.

But there is hope.

I have now grown from the experience and can say I'm a different person because of it.

Half of my life went past in a blink of an eye

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 01:08:00 +0000

I had a pokie addiction for 14 years, half of my life went past in a blink of an eye.

I have not played for 9 months I'm now addicted to researching about pokies. P.A. meetings twice a week is where I get my strength.

The lengths people go to hide this addiction is truly amazing. A one way street to hell. Labeled as a loser with mental issues. Most that are playing are either hooked or will get hooked the more they keep playing.

Now with new & improved breeding ground for the kiddies. Criminals supplying unsafe products. Kids shouldn't be exposed what so ever until they are they 18yrs.

The shell of someone he is now

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 02:44:00 +0000

My father's local club now has the proceeds from his house sale, superannuation policy and 2 inheritances.

At 66, he has little money and a minimal relationship with his family. I try to see him as the person he was 20 years ago - not the shell of someone he is now. To see this change - brought on by his addiction to pokie machines - is devastating. My efforts to further prevent his own self destruction have been futile. I have contacted his club and Gamblers Anonymous but because I unable to prevent him - as an individual with choice - from his actions I am left with no option but to just watch.

Politicians such as Barry O'Farrell's ignorance as to how their actions further contribute to this situation is astounding.

How does allowing new types of gambling technology in NSW support their policy of "Standing up for Australian families".

How does it align with their comment on the 2010 Productivity Commission Report into Gambling that gambling has become a "significant problem for some people in our community, predominately affecting those who can least afford it"

I Feel Like A Black Cloud

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 06:10:00 +0000

I would like to say that I am not addicted to Pokies, but unfortunately in my head I know it to be true. What is fair to say is that I feel like a black cloud, and I am bad luck to all around me.

For me the issue is the more afraid I am of impeding debt - mortgage, personal loan, out of control credit cards - the more I look at Pokies to try to ease the troubles. Stupid to think really, and more stupider is that I believe that if I wasn't so much in Financial difficulty than I wouldn't play them.

I am trying hard to clear my debts, but getting down to $2 - $3 a week from a decent wage, it is depressing.

I only started playing them a couple of years ago, but now it is really bad and I am scared to death.

I would never let my children near pokies

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 10:08:00 +0000

We live near a bowling club that has gone 'pokie free'. I would never let my children near pokies as I've seen what they can do families.
After many years of seeing my husband's neices and nephews around pokies, they (at 18+) now too think nothing of sinking a few hundred when we go out for lunch at a club.
The 'pokie free' club gives the family a chance to catch up with other young families and enjoy the community. This would not be possible with pokies.

I'm A Gambling Addict

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 20:29:00 +0000

I'm a Gambling Addict , starting in Victoria on card machine's in 83 . It's not active now , tho will always be there. I no longer wake up in cold sweat's, on pay day, or, feel sick in the stomach , like when I first began to stop. They're thankfully, just like any other day now.

Though , as I wrote on the self exclusion letters to various Clubs, I will be an addict till i take my last breath . I gambled last, in January, and then few months ago .

The ten odd years of attending GA did nothing for me , that program modified from the AA 12 step, takes the last bit of hope from you , telling u to admit ur powerless. "Have some tea and bickies, (it was often the only thing I would eat on the day ), now get out there be a good little gambler and see u next week."

My son was born nearly 15 yrs ago , his arrival really through a spanner in the works , as far as my GAMBLING was concerned . I realised I had to do something that had a chance of getting me off this cracked record. I went off to TAFE to study, the Assoc Diploma of Social Sciences. I got over half way through. Did enough to find out what started, keeps it going, finally then to stop it. I was /am running on a Negative Belief and Value system.

From dysfunctional childhood, being diagnosed with Epilepsy at 18, I was, in fact, Gambling to lose. You would reckon, I would pick up on the fact that I never won. Even when I did win, I would just keep playing till I've given it all back . Had many a seizure as result of a royal flush or alike.

For more than a decade , I could nor laugh or cry , I can recall having sore muscle's on my face from laughing, from not laughing for all those years , now , can cry from watching a soppy old black and white movie, even from watching the show about Shintaro last night for example .

I've only recently discovered, emotions that as I'm sure ur aware have no "normal" place to be at, with an ADDICTION, more concerning if Fathering is thrown into the equation. Positive Affirmations kept me on the bus and to be present at the assoc dip lectures, most valuable indeed for beginning by trek down the path to recovery .

Anyway sorry for going on so much, finally just wanted to say regarding luring kids to Gambling. I also have a 10 year old daughter , and she used to play a maths game called Mathletics , she was told about it from her school , who gave her a log on number to play. The thing is I've watched her when she used to play , and when they WIN it sounds a BELL** identical to that on the CLEOPATRA SLOT MACHINE'S, when you would get the three pyramids and the 15 free spins. The kids will be in the Clubs when they're grown up, will hear the same ringing sounds that will take them back to being a child, playing mathletics , and wander in and become Addicted and Destroy their lives.

Its an addiction and I am addicted

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 21:03:00 +0000

I play the pokies, I don't want to, but I do. Know one knows that I do because I am very ashamed. Its an addiction and I am addicted. My friends are not addicted and nor do know I am.

Everyone loves to win, especially money. My biggest win is $3500, and wow that felt good. But I had to put it into my credit account to pay back the over ten thousand I owed mainly from cash advances to my credit facility at the hotels. I had a citibank credit facility with a $16500 limit.

Now I have no credit rating, no money, a debt agreement for $20000 which more often than not I default on my $200 weekly payment because I am still gambling.

Recently due to circumstances not related to gambling I had to move house. Trying to get the bond together and other costs was so difficult due to frequent binges.

I earn between 900 to 1200 per week and often I am eating pasta and butter and so forth because I'm waiting till pay day cause I have spent a few hundred in the machines, going to work hungry, thank god I still am gainfully employed.

The shame of having to change plans and let your loved ones down constantly because you were lured by chemicals in your brain that are some how released or stimulated by the experience. The lights, the sounds, the spinning wheels and features. Awesome when a machine is just going off and your getting heaps of cash, but I never do anything good with that money

It seems pokie winnings are from a different value system in your brain and accordingly go back to the machine more than not. I have walked round a shopping centre with $2000 just won from a handy casino style pub smack bang in a retail zone, and been unable to spend it, strangely unwilling to part with it that way.

Anyhow, this is a dreadful situation, its gotta stop. Reform must happen. I propose moving back to the older legislation where cardies were in the pub and pokies at the RSL. This could help the community based clubs and keep their accessibility at a sensible level. Having to walk past about 10 venues from my house to and from work is not good for my illness.

As I am about to go to bed hungry and get ready for work tomorrow, Thank god I have a travel pass. Also thank him for hospitality being my profession as I get fed a lot. Otherwise, I would be starving in my suite at work waiting till the next day when my pay will go in.

Will I blow that ? Fuck I hope not, I get paid quite well, I should be out with my mates having fun, using my enjoyment to cook with food I like not just pasta or some shit.

Anyway I need help, I'm looking but want to stop. That's the main thing, this needs to stop. Its a addiction as strong as any and destroys people's souls. Help us to stop this. Thanks god I don't have a family. I would be a dreadfull provider.

It Was Ruining My Life

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 01:09:00 +0000

I would like to express my concerns in regard to poker machine gambling within my local area.

I have recently given away gambing on poker machines as it was ruining my life. I have not once seen any staff at the clubs enforce the gambling laws that they have been trained to do and in fact I see the clubs trying to encourage it with added smoking areas that accommodate compulsive gamblers. It is an absolute disgrace. In other countries pokies do not exist yet bars and other sociable drinking venues survive adequately.

No wonder there are more and more suicides in this country, its the bloody pokies and clubs adding to it.

Getting Self Barred in South Australia

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 01:06:00 +0000

I barred myself 4 months ago, I filled in the forms at a "Woolworths" hotel. I was told it takes two weeks to enforce and I would get a letter from the gambling authority on what I could do and not do.

To date I have received nothing, I still go to the same hotel (drink but don't gamble)
My understanding is I can still gamble at the casino (as the casino comes under another gambling law) and I regularly get invites with free money to attend the casino.

I don't need counselling, but I don't like getting tempting letters for me to gamble.

The system for self barring, does not work as well as it should.

He Tried So Hard To Stop

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Thu, 28 May 2009 17:50:00 +0000

I'm not a pokie addict but lived with one for 5 years and we eventually broke up a few weeks ago.

He tried so hard to stop but the addiction controlled him and he still battles daily. He has had to take sick leave, annual leave followed by more sick leave as he cant bring himself to get to work He cannot afford to go to the doc and get a sick certificate, so who knows what will happen when he eventually gets back to work.

He's with the gov, so has some security, but i think even that is going to reach its limit. He has no smokes, no petrol. no food, hardly any furniture and sits and watches an old tv all day, waiting for payday - so he can lose it again in a couple of days, then beat himself up, calling himelf a loser and so on until pay day comes around again.

He earns good money, is fun, intelligent & kind and i love him, but the pokie machine robs him of everything and he is its slave, and so very unhappy because of it. it has affected not just our relationship, but his work, his relationships at work, he has no friends apart from me and he is really hitting rock bottom.

He has tried counselling but it didnt last for long. His shame eats him and he lives in fear of exposure and in a permanent state of self hate and anxiety. It is so hard to watch a beautiful man self destruct, and this is what he is doing.

The pokies are a disgusting form of gov revenue, purposely designed to addict people and in doing so they ruin the lives of individuals and those associated with them.

Children are such innocent victims and they cannot walk away as can adults, as I have finally done. I can't have a relationship with an addiction anymore, and in all reality, that is what it is as it over rides everything. Fortunately, I never personalised the behaviours that otherwise would have been so hurtful, but how can children, who think in such black and white terms, not do so?

I was once a pokies addict

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Tue, 19 May 2009 22:57:00 +0000

The pokies are different.

When I was gambling, my day used to look something like this…..

5.30pm – get out of bed. Then as now I worked night duty. Force my face into a smile and stagger out to the kitchen. Say a brief “hello” to the kids on my way through the lounge. Pour myself a coke and drink it while staring at the near-empty fridge. Wonder if there is enough food to make a meal. Beat up on myself internally for having spent money at the pokies this morning instead of buying food. Decide it will have to be pancakes again for tea tonight. Resolve to buy groceries tomorrow after dropping the kids off at school so we don’t end up having pancakes two nights in a row. “No more playing the pokies”, I declare to myself.

5.45pm – greet my hubby with a false smile and coffee. Spend 30 minutes questioning him intensely about his day. I do this so he won’t ask me what I’ve been up to during the day. Later, during the early stages of my recovery, I would come to berate him for not caring about me as evidenced by the fact that for years he never asked me what was happening in my life.

6.15pm - yell at the kids to start their showers and start preparing tea.

7pm – eat tea while half asleep in front of the TV. Show great interest in what is on the TV screen but don’t speak to anyone and in case they ask me what I did today. Begin thinking about whether to go to the club before I do the shopping or after. Reason it’s better to go to the club before doing the shopping. I don’t want the shopping to spoil while I’m playing the pokies.

8pm – send the kids to bed. Give them a perfunctory kiss while wondering how much money to take out of the credit card in the morning.

8.30pm – head off to work and start reasoning that it would be better to go straight home after dropping the kids off at school tomorrow. “There is so much housework to do…if I have some energy left, I’ll clean the bathroom and do a load of washing before I go to bed. God, I am so tired of this”.

I’d get to work at 9pm, put on a cheery face and pretend an optimism I didn’t feel as I ministered to my patients needs, administering medicines that eased their pain and giving words of advice and encouragement that reduced their suffering. Somehow I managed to leave them feeling better than I found them, but the energy it took to cheer them up took its toll on me.

Around 1am, I’d catch an hours sleep while on my break. Desperately wishing my break could be longer, I’d struggle to stay awake until 6am when the morning work would begin and there’d be too much work to do to think about how tired I was.

By the end of a nine-hour shift, I was so mentally and physically exhausted that I wanted nothing more than to escape from people.

By 8am when I got home, my second or third ‘wind’ of the day would kick in. I’d wake the kids, yelling at them to “hurry”, “get your breakfast”, “make your lunch”…”get ready for school”. More often than not, I’d be irritable with them for not being organised or fast enough. My children then were 5, 7 and 10.

8.45 am - .Drop the kids at school and drive to the club. As usual, I was there at the club with “the early crowd”.

A club may be dark, noisy and smoky, but the people inside it – from the patrons to the staff – are too busy with the machines to talk for long or to ask anyone for help. Blessed peace at last. Put some coins in the slot. Push the button and disappear into a world of mental, physical and emotional silence where nothing mattered except what was happening on the screen before me. Peace from that inner critical voice that berated me for spending too much time and money on the pokies. Peace from the constant worry of someone finding out what I was doing... There was just me and the spinning reels and the 2.3 seconds they took until it was time to push a button again.

How well I understand the junkie. This nothingness was my addiction. Not the money. Not the thrill or excitement of the win. Not even the momentary relief of getting back what I has already spent. No – my addiction was to the mental and emotional stillness that came in the seemingly endless moments between one button push and the next. No questions….no demands….no self criticism….just me and a machines and….silence…..until I’d run out of money and had to leave. Then I would start to hate myself.

I’d stay at the club until 2.40pm – or until my money was gone. At the end of almost six hours “playing the pokies”, I’d drive home hating myself. Berating myself with words I wouldn’t have used to describe my worst enemy. Without the spinning reels to focus my attention on, my attention would turn inwards and focus once again on my inner critic. I’d drive home desperately and recklessly, wanting to put as much distance as possible, as quickly as possible, between myself and those demon machines.

“Stupid, stupid, STUPID woman! You should have done the shopping first! You should have left at ten, when you won that $100, $200, $1500…what is wrong with you? When are you going to stop this bull@#$%? Tomorrow you CAN’T go! That’s it – it HAS to stop. RIGHT NOW!!! It’s crazy what you are doing to yourself. After you drop the kids off tomorrow, you’ll HAVE to do some food shopping. Tomorrow is Thursday – his pay day. Lets see…$100 to play the pokies – that should be enough. If you pay half the phone bill and only spend $75 on food, you might win enough to get Susan those new school shoes she needs and pay the rest of the dentist bill…”

When I’d get home, I’d check the mail, hide the over due bill and late notices and crawl into bed where blessed sleep would over take me and stop the horrible self-talk and thoughts of suicide that seemed an all too reasonable solution to the craziness. The kids would arrive home at 3.15pm to find me asleep – assuming I’d been there since I dropped them off at school. I’d sleep until the alarm would go off at 5.00pm. I’d groan, force my face into a smile and start the routine all over again.

Five days a week for three and a half years between late 1995 and early 1999, this was my life. When my husband was home on the weekend, my “routine” would vary slightly. I’d do a small shop on the way home from work – I NEVER stoped at the club on the weekends. Once home, I’d put the washing on, pay what bills I could over the phone, do a quick tidy up around the house, hang the washing out and crawl into bed as my hubby got out…and I’d sleep…and sleep….and sleep. Around 7pm, I’d get up in time to eat tea and go to work, longing for it to be Monday so I could be alone again and safe from the threat that someone would ask me how I spent my time or mention that they had seen me at the club three times last week. As much as I longed for Monday, I dreaded Mondays, knowing that all he craziness would start up once again.

I hated me back then. I hated my life. I wanted the world to stop so I could get off. I wanted something – anything – to happen so I could stop the endless nightmare I was trapped in. Life, when I played the pokies, was not worth living.

I decided to make a concerted effort to stop playing the pokies. I enlisted my husband’s support by telling him one September morning that I’d been playing the pokies and couldn’t seem to stop. Rather than being angry (as I would have been had the situation been reversed), he expressed his relief that I was only playing the pokies.

For the next 8 months I didn’t go near a poker machine. I experienced no urge to do so. I experienced no difficulty in quitting as the friend I stayed with was a stay at home mum who knew exactly how long it took me to get home from work and therefore knew where I was every moment of the day and the night. I became once again the accepting, caring friend, the loving mum and devoted wife I had been before I got hooked on the pokies. I started work and did all the right and proper things expected of a registered nurse who worked in intensive care units.

Then I went back to playing the pokies.

To this day I do not know what triggered the return. Perhaps the feeling that I had the problem beaten…perhaps the sense that my problem hadn’t been THAT bad as I never had the phone or electricity disconnected nor had I had to borrow money to pay the bills – I certainly never committed a crime to fund my gambling as I heard some people had. Whatever the reason, within weeks of returning to the pokies I had exceeded my previous daily spending on the machines and I was gambling any time I could – I even managed to gamble on the weekends while supposedly out watching the kids sporting events. Between May and February the next year, I went through $20,000 – everything I earned in that time, and about half my husbands pay.

I finally hit bottom. Not the financial bottom of many problem gamblers, but a bottom none-the-less. It came when a pawnbroker offered me just $75 for jewellery that had been valued - for insurance purposes - at $3000 just 3 weeks before. Just for a moment I considered taking the $75 and going to the pokies with it even though it was Monday morning, payday was 4 days away and there was no food in the house.

In that moment, I suddenly realised just how distorted my thinking had become, how irrational my beliefs were around winning on the pokies were and how much my priorities had shifted. I didn’t take the money. Instead I took my jewellery, went home, phoned the 24-hour problem gambling help line and made an appointment to see a counsellor to begin my recovery journey.

Sadly, the counselling I received caused more problems for me than it solved. I had the misfortune to be counselled by an individual who believed that all women who gamble excessively did so to escape from their abusive relationships. Knowing only that the counsellor was an “expert” on problem gamblers, I came to believe that I was in denial about the true state of my marriage – that my husband of 19 years was psychologically abusive and that staying married to him would eventually see me returning to the pokies as a way of coping with his abuse. My problem with leaving him was that during my first counselling session, I had been advised to “get rid of all access to money” –without money, I was told, I could not gamble. Strange as it seems now, getting rid of my access to money had not occurred to me before….I attributed my success at quitting to this one “trick”. Unfortunately leaving my supposedly abusive husband meant I would have to handle money again – a risky business for one just two months onto recovery. I would also have to work in a job I no longer found fulfilling in order to support myself and my three rapidly growing children.

Feeling unable to stay in the marriage without risk of returning to the pokies, unable to leave without risk of returning to the pokies, and terrified of getting caught once again in pokies hell, I crumbled – physically, psychologically and emotionally - and left both counselling, and my husband.

I entered counselling to find the answers to just two questions – why did I do what I did, and what did I need to do to stop? I left counselling without answers to those same questions. With a psyche and marriage in tatters, and a burning need to find out the “why” of my gambling, I began researching the causes of problem gambling as it pertained to gaming machines.

University libraries were wonderful resources and I voraciously read all the scientific studies and psychological reports I could find on problem gambling and poker machines. However, nothing in what I read matched my experience or told me what I needed to do to quit. Most of the reports I read implied that “the problem” lay within the individual.

Public opinion implied that problem gamblers were weak of character, immature, impulsive, irresponsible, or just plain stupid for having gambled as excessively as they had.

Reading such things confused me. I had no difficulty controlling my gambling before coming into contact with poker machines at the age of 40 - this despite having gambled “responsibly” since I was 18.

Contrary to what I read, my psychological imbalance had started after I quit gambling. IF I had so many “personality/character defects”, then how had I managed to maintain control of my life and my gambling before coming into contact with poker machines? Could it be that I was only addicted to poker machines I wondered? Could it be that something about them caused me to lose control? If so, what did that say about my psychological health and about this product that was promoted as safe for all but a few disturbed individuals?

Eventually I found a website where gamblers from all over the world shared their stories and I shared some of mine. No one there could tell me why I did what I did or what I needed to do to stop, but it was here amongst a group of people who labelled themselves ‘compulsive gamblers’ that I finally discovered that I was not alone in having done what I did. I also discovered that like me, many people had no trouble controlling their gambling until they began playing gaming machines…that once they did start playing them, their decline into uncontrolled gambling was as rapid and devastating in its impact on their lives and those of their families as mine had been.

Thus ended my foray into individual pathology that was deemed to cause people to become problem gamblers. Thus began my search for information about gaming machines and what it was about them that addicted or entrapped so many, so rapidly… What I have since discovered about gambling machines – they way they are designed, promoted and presented to governments and an unsuspecting public around the globe - is beyond frightening. The effort state governments put into minimising the depth and extent of problem gambling after they have legalised this one gambling product and permitted its widespread distribution through the communities they govern, borders on the criminal.

Today I know that while I chose to gamble on the pokies, I had no idea that in making that choice, I was opening myself up to a cognitive and behaviourally manipulative machine – one that is purpose designed to entrap ANY regular user of it in a downward spiral of financial, emotional and psychological despair. Today, I understand the why of my “gambling addiction” and I aim to rid the world of the cause.

My name is Sue Pinkerton. I was once a pokies addict. This has been part of my life journey.

Please remove the pictures

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Mon, 11 May 2009 20:27:00 +0000

I am a recovering addict…could you please remove the venue/pokies photo…as this is a trigger to us addicts.

I have been duped by poker machines

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Mon, 11 May 2009 20:25:00 +0000

Like so many people, my husband and I have been duped by poker machines.
The illusion of glamour and sophistication is a complete con.
Poker machines have cost us thousands of dollars!

Governments and poker machine manufacturers know that modern poker machines are designed to addict the people who play them. The music and the sounds that they make when you experience a rare win, are highly addictive.

If the government was serious and fair minded, poker machines should make negative noises like the Keno machine does when you lose. Imagine a club full of poker machines groaning every time someone lost money! They'd be empty in no time!

Let's get something clear. Forget the lies that the government spreads about the addiction rates of poker machines. If you play the pokies on a regular basis, you will eventually become addicted to them.

The government's involvement in the despair that pokies cause is akin to them selling heroin to addicts. Their behaviour is reprehensible, immoral and cannot be justified! Poker machines are an insidious form of taxation that governments have allied themselves to and become dependent upon. They undermine the very fabric of our society, yet they are allowed to exist.

Why?

My story about pokies in my family

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Mon, 11 May 2009 20:23:00 +0000

I saw your ad on ninemsn.com and had to share my story about pokies in my family.

We were not a well-off family yet my Dad spent most nights at the club playing pokies. I don't know how much he has spent over time, but I never went without the things I needed. So I guess my story may not be as bad as others.

However, people need to remember there are little things that pokies can do to your family and your self-esteem. When you are a teenager and your parents both work, you get no packed lunch, just tuckshop money. It is embarrassing to get your tuckshop money in dollar coins every day for 5 years. Facing the same tuckshop ladies, with the same dollar coins every day is humiliating. They look at you with a knowing smile like they know something about you and your family that you don't want them to, but they smile just to let you know that they feel sorry for you and your sister who obviously came from a pokie family - standing in line, every day with $5 in dollar coins buying lunch, is something I won't get over - ever.

He still plays pokies to this day and I'm in my mid-20's. He actually won the car at the club once when I was 17 from those rewards on the pokie cards you slot into the machine. All I wanted was a car at that time. But for the first time ever, he actually wasn't at the club so we didn't get it. The only time playing the pokies could have amounted to something useful for our family and it blows up in our faces.

He is currently dying of lymphatic cancer and despite living with me for the majority of my life, I don't know anything about him and can't really say that I'm all that sad, its no big loss to me.

I'm sure the Queen of the Nile will miss him though.

Where do I start? At the beginning.

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Mon, 11 May 2009 20:19:00 +0000

Where do I start? At the beginning.

I started gambling about 10 years ago after the birth of my 3rd child, at first it started as a bit of fun, I won a heap of money and thought this is great. I would then finish work and the first thing I did was go to the club, next I found myself calling in sick for work and spending all day there, would even let my kids walk home from school in the rain instead of being there for them.

Money started to get tight and I was losing more than I was winning, my husband and I had our own business so we had no regular wages to count on then the real problems started.

Not only were we behind in our bills but I dreaded every time the phone rang, to the point where I would take it off the hook at night so my husband didn’t get suspicious. But that’s not the worst of it, GST refunds turned out to be so easy to get it started off fudging figures for a while then even after we both got permanent employment and ceased running out business I still continued to put in for GST refunds the amounts got bigger and each time I continued to get the refunds, I knew I would eventually get caught but the need to gamble was far more important to me than anything including my family, my husband and my kids. It had consumed my life till one day I woke up and said no more!!!

I phoned a lawyer who turned out to be my guardian angel, I then knew I had to tell my husband a man who is proud and a man I love more than life itself he was overseas for work at the time and was due home in 2 days, he came home and I told him the whole story he was gutted he could not believe what I was telling him, we made a trip into see the lawyer, a meeting was then set up with the Tax Office and at the time I had started to go to Gamblers Anonymous (something I cannot stress anymore GO GO GO and take it one day at a time) The meeting with the ATO was one of the hardest things I had to do but was one of the things necessary to start my road to recovery. My parents were beside themselves but without their support I don’t know where I would be today financially.

There were 2 possibilities 1. Jail 2. Serious fines and repayment of the money, the case with the ATO went on for over 12 months when the final decision which I was dreading as I had read so many stories of people going to jail was in and their decision was to charge me fines and repay the money, this is why I think my lawyer was my guardian angel, one that came at a price I must say.

So I have 2 years to go till the money is repaid and I struggle each day both financially with 3 kids, my husband couldn’t take it anymore and left me, but you know what I have been gamble free for over 2 years, I am alive and life is not great but its good.

I am sharing this very private story today because I know there are others out there today going through this exact same thing and if I can help just 1 person free themselves then I know I have repaid my debt to society.

ONE DAY AT A TIME

To tell whole my life story will take pages

noreply@blogger.com (PokieWatch) — Tue, 05 May 2009 06:08:00 +0000

To tell whole my life story will take pages and pages, so I will make it short.

I was listening to ABC radio and visited your website.

I was annoyed when I heard one of the caller had said, pokie, drinks, are social. If you go into one of those pokie venues, every one is in their own dream world. No one talks to each other. Few being social. I never been social while I am playing a machine.

Sure people makes their own choices and I do make my own, but I must admit that I am powerless when I sit in front of pokie machine. I can never walk away until I ran out all of money that I have. This is when I know all my dreams were crashing down and I was never to return.

But when I do get paid, I can never stop thinking about the machine and 99.99 percent of time I go into to one of those venues. And every time I walk out of there totally broke.

My life style?, well, I am pretty sure there is someone out there are worst off than me. I agree to every one of you on 774 ABC Radio. Sure, choice I made to play pokies. Do I really want to? Answer is No, I don't want to play them, because I know what will happen, yet, I still walk into hotel and lose all my money.

Sometime I feel scared and sad, again, there is something in my head that giving me a hope. That is to win a little win and do things that I always wanted to do. But it never happened. I am moving on with my life with this little hope that I have. I want to stop it, but I can't. People may never know what I am going through with this sad life I have due to my pokie addiction.

Thank you for letting me speak up.

This Pokie Causes Pain story is from regional Victoria